Attention and energy

I frequently use the videos of Keith Hughes in my classes. His HipHughesHistory offerings are extensive and give to the point summaries that help my students.  Each video ends with his quote, "where attention goes, energy flows" and is a reminder that we should keep our focus.

I'm struggling to find my focus.  My attention is drawn in many directions and my energy is waning.

• My FIL has stage 4 Parkinson's. 
• My MIL has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
• she moved in with us a few weeks ago
• she has weekly dr/chemo visits
• she makes little effort to do for herself, even when feeling better and can
• Their house has to be renovated and sold.
• My cousin, raised as a brother, suddenly died last week and the loss is devastating.

Life is overwhelming. I know that going to the gym will help. Time.  I know that blogging would help clear my head and refocus.  Time.  How do you take care of yourself?  How do you find time to do all that needs to be done personally and professionally?  There are only so many hours in the day.  

Friendships, how many do you really have?

F is for friendship. Today's A-to-Z.

How many friends do you have?  How many friends do you need? Who is really a friend?  According to Facebook I have 160 friends.  These are 160 people I have met or have interacted with to some degree. Do you consider your social circle your friends?  How many of your social media friends would you call on for help?

There are several things from this 3/18/2015 TIME article that I find interesting.  Friends are necessary for our good health and our happiness.  I believe that.

According to data from the General Social Survey (GSS), the number of Americans who say they have no close friends has roughly tripled in recent decades. “Zero” is also the most common response when people are asked how many confidants they have, the GSS data show. And adult men seem to be especially bad at keeping and cultivating friendships.

My best friend is my husband. I have three others that I consider close friends and we correspond regularly, but have not seen each other in years. I have some "friends" that I see on a semi regular basis but I would not share intimate details with them or call if there was an issue.  There are very few people I would actually call with any problem.  If my three besties were closer I wouldn't hesitate to call them.

Apparently 15 is the magic number for how many close relationships we should have when it comes to our best mental and physical health.  I don't know that I have 15 individuals, friends or family, that I would consider close.  I also do not feel deprived.

I enjoy my social interactions, but I can also put my phone away and enjoy the time with my best friend.  I started a blog in 2003 and wrote regularly.  I loved the social interaction. I craved the back and forth of blogging and discussion boards. I didn't have that interaction at home and looked for it online. It had an element of fulfillment. I decided to start another blog this year and it isn't the same. It is work. I still have some of the same friends, but I have a true best friend.  He is someone who cares about what I think. Listens to my ideas, complaints, frustrations, and celebrations.  He also shares his own.  We have a wonderful partnership in all aspects of our life.  A healthy friendship makes a difference in having a healthy life.  I am now emotionally fulfilled by my relationships. I am happier with me. I am happier with life.  

I don't think it is healthy to rely on your friendships for your emotional fulfillment, but I do think that friendships are an element of good emotional health.  How many friends do you REALLY have?  Do they know that you value them?  That's the other thing, let people know that they have value.  You can contribute to their well being.  

Back to the teaching board...

And glad to be there!  It has been a crazy week. We're still trying to sale the house. My FIL still has Parkinson's. The kid and skids still have activities to get to and from and the dogs still want to be fed.  No matter how crazy life gets, it still continues.

I'm hoping the law of averages will kick in and we will get an offer on the house soon.  We've had five showings in the last weekend.  Two Saturday, one Sunday and two today.

As for the FIL, there are good days and bad days. He is contrary and set in his ways. MIL is no better.

The above was written yesterday.  Continuing thoughts for today...
It is frustrating. It is nerve racking. It is life. We have to live it.  Dealing with aging parents is a responsibility. It is also difficult. You don't want to treat them like children, but they are acting like rebellious children. They are adults and you want to treat them like adults, but they won't listen and they don't see the dangers in their decisions.  The life cycle is at times cruel.  My FIL's body is betraying him. His medicines and age are changing him, corrupting his mind.  My MIL has always been taken care of so having to be the strong one is not natural to her.  I know she is frustrated. I know she is unsure of the future. I know that things are difficult.But sometimes we have to put on our big girl undies and deal!

Mr. MckTchr is pushing forward. He is being strong and trying to deal as best he can. Each day brings new frustrations on top of the old.  It is a struggle. What do you do when your parents can no longer care for themselves, won't listen to you, and you can't give up everything to care for them 24/7.  No one wants to say permanent residential facility, but that may be the way to go.

We would like to move them in with us, but if they still won't listen and still won't do what is needed it won't do any good.  The only benefit is having them close by so we can more quickly respond to falls.  VA assistance is a long list, we must wait and push to move up.  Home health is expensive and their insurance won't cover all that is needed.  A facility is also expensive.

Answers we seek...and miles to go before we sleep. *sigh.

LOL 1.31.16

What was the last thing that gave you a real, authentic, tearful, hearty belly laugh? Why was it so funny?

That was actually today. It is a conversation we have often. My husband, daughter and skid1 can do this thing with their uvula. It is a growling noise and they do it using a technique they say is like gargling without liquid. I can't do it. I do it and it sounds like an exorcism needs to be scheduled. Everyone gets a kick out of my attempts.

Prior to today I was overcome by giggles after eating chocolate covered espresso beans like popcorn throughout the day. Mr.MckTchr was trying to attach a TV to the kid room tv stand and I found his struggle hilarious. He did not. It was a real, authentic, tearful caffeine induced belly laugh that left me a little sore.


Laughter, excellent meds.

Daily prompt found at https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/

Welcome to the world baby girl!

What about a little Fannie Flagg reference for the morning? It's a beautiful day in the Carolina's. The sun is out, the temperature is a comfortable cool. It's time to wake up, smell the sweet aroma of the outdoors and...what's that smell???  Yeah, that's Rachi. He apparently had gastrointestinal distress last night and that's what we woke up to.  7 freakin AM in the morning and the husky has crapped his kennel.  Fortunately in the garage.  Yes ladies and gentleman, my first blog post is about dog poop.

Well, not totally. Rachi did have gastro issues and is embarrassed by it. Sawyer, the black lab who is usually responsible for gastro offense, was not pleased with the smells radiating from his brother's kennel. The doxies, Tiki and Pachelbel were spared. They kennel in the laundry room at night. We are a family with four dogs. Drazil was happy for the morning disruption. She is a Mali Uromastyx lizard that likes to be up and about early and sleep in from late afternoon on.  Drazil was glad to get her salad earlier than our usual late morning weekend rise.  Yoshi, the bunny, doesn't care either way.  I sear, there are times she is completely nocturnal, tossing her bowl down the ramp and incessantly licking her water thingy. I'm rather certain that is the technical term for it.  My apologies for using jargon.

To complete the family introductions I am married to Mr. MckTchr. Between us there are five kids. Kid1, Kid2, Skid1, Skid2, and Skid3.  Ages 18, 15, 21, 16, and 12.

I've been blogging for years.  I think I started in 2003 and typed out my thoughts trying to stay sane while in grad school.  It sort of worked.  After a while it grew tedious. In 2009, or 10...sometime...I toyed with the idea of picking it back up.  Like so many toys we played with as children the interest came and went.  I'm in a new stage of life now and think it is time to pick up the toy again.  Maybe I will have much to say, maybe not.  I'm not going to commit to a post each day, but I'm going to start this journey and see where it goes.  Maybe I will have something to say...or nah. In the meantime...

Live life. Give joy. Be at peace.