Attention and energy

I frequently use the videos of Keith Hughes in my classes. His HipHughesHistory offerings are extensive and give to the point summaries that help my students.  Each video ends with his quote, "where attention goes, energy flows" and is a reminder that we should keep our focus.

I'm struggling to find my focus.  My attention is drawn in many directions and my energy is waning.

• My FIL has stage 4 Parkinson's. 
• My MIL has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
• she moved in with us a few weeks ago
• she has weekly dr/chemo visits
• she makes little effort to do for herself, even when feeling better and can
• Their house has to be renovated and sold.
• My cousin, raised as a brother, suddenly died last week and the loss is devastating.

Life is overwhelming. I know that going to the gym will help. Time.  I know that blogging would help clear my head and refocus.  Time.  How do you take care of yourself?  How do you find time to do all that needs to be done personally and professionally?  There are only so many hours in the day.  

H, I, J speeding by

House stuff, insanity and just getting by.

I knew April was going to be tough, but it is proving to be everything expected and more.  We close on both houses in ten days...HOPEFULLY.  Road blocks are teasing us. Slowly but surely I think it will all work out.  We are certainly working to pack everything and make the final step easier.  

Father in law is having surgery today. We have not been as involved as we would like, but fortunately home health has been available to make things a little easier in their household.  I don't know how long he will be in the hospital after today's kidney stone removal.  We sort of hope it will be three days which will allow for insurance to cover a recovery period in a rehab facility.  It is getting to the time where he needs constant care. Unfortunately he is not ready to accept this. 

Day to day we seem to be just getting by. Everything is getting done, but sometimes it feels like barely is the best description.  

Life is about choices.Each day I am having to choose whether to blog or go to the gym.  Yesterday, gym won.  Today, blogging...with hope that gym will be a part of it too.  Pretty sure I will go back to blogging when I can. It certainly shouldn't be a stress point. There's plenty of that without blogging being part of it.  

Growing up: Ten thoughts

Today's AtoZ post is G for growing up.  Many of us wouldn't mind going back to a certain age, with the knowledge that we have as an adult. Growing up isn't all bad, but there are many things I wish I had realized earlier in life.

1. Naps are not a bad thing.  I hated naps as a child. In kindergarten it was torture to have to stop learning time and get my mat for nap time.  Now, I fully support nap time in all grade levels and think it would be wise for the workplace as well. 

2. Oh to be as busy as I was in high school.  Yes, students have full schedules these days.  Parents of students have it much worse. We have our adult responsibilities and our parent/student responsibilities. I remember being overwhelmed as a junior and senior, but I still had time to chill.  Now, it seems that every day is jammed with adult responsibilities or kid responsibilities.  Someone the other day asked what TV shows I watched.  When do I have time to watch TV???  

3. Life is about change, deal with it.  Plans change. Situations change. Circumstances change.

4. Be flexible.  See #3.   You have to be willing to be flexible when things come up or you will drive yourself nuts.

5.  Time is valuable.  All those times I didn't have time to go home for a visit are regrets. I would love to have the opportunity for another visit with my Gran.  I know we shouldn't live with regret, and I don't agonize over it, but I have no clue what was so important that I couldn't go home some of those times.  Time is valuable, use it wisely because you can't get it back.

6. Relationships are work and if you want them to work you have to work!  Love is not enough if you don't show it, if you don't communicate, and you don't value your partner.  You really need to work on liking the person too.  That initial infatuation is not enough to build a life on. Life changes and if you do not adapt and work at your relationships the life changes will get in the way and destroy what may have once been good.

7. You get what you put in.  If you don't put in effort then you will get poor results.  You can be as fulfilled as you seek to be. To be successful in school you have to participate in school. You have to do your assignments and you have to try to get involved.  Same with life. You have to participate to get joy out of it. 

8. Health is important.  You have to take care of yourself and you can't wait until something is wrong before you start!  

9.  Rejection happens and it isn't always a bad thing.  Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the things that didn't work out. Learn from life.  You may not get the job you wanted, you may have to try something else. Life has a way of working things out and you have to walk the path.  Some things work out and some things don't. Work with what you have.

10.  You can always learn something.  Be a lifelong learner. Never stop.  Seek knowledge. It's part of the participating in life thing.  

Live life. Give joy. Be at peace.  

Back to the teaching board...

And glad to be there!  It has been a crazy week. We're still trying to sale the house. My FIL still has Parkinson's. The kid and skids still have activities to get to and from and the dogs still want to be fed.  No matter how crazy life gets, it still continues.

I'm hoping the law of averages will kick in and we will get an offer on the house soon.  We've had five showings in the last weekend.  Two Saturday, one Sunday and two today.

As for the FIL, there are good days and bad days. He is contrary and set in his ways. MIL is no better.

The above was written yesterday.  Continuing thoughts for today...
It is frustrating. It is nerve racking. It is life. We have to live it.  Dealing with aging parents is a responsibility. It is also difficult. You don't want to treat them like children, but they are acting like rebellious children. They are adults and you want to treat them like adults, but they won't listen and they don't see the dangers in their decisions.  The life cycle is at times cruel.  My FIL's body is betraying him. His medicines and age are changing him, corrupting his mind.  My MIL has always been taken care of so having to be the strong one is not natural to her.  I know she is frustrated. I know she is unsure of the future. I know that things are difficult.But sometimes we have to put on our big girl undies and deal!

Mr. MckTchr is pushing forward. He is being strong and trying to deal as best he can. Each day brings new frustrations on top of the old.  It is a struggle. What do you do when your parents can no longer care for themselves, won't listen to you, and you can't give up everything to care for them 24/7.  No one wants to say permanent residential facility, but that may be the way to go.

We would like to move them in with us, but if they still won't listen and still won't do what is needed it won't do any good.  The only benefit is having them close by so we can more quickly respond to falls.  VA assistance is a long list, we must wait and push to move up.  Home health is expensive and their insurance won't cover all that is needed.  A facility is also expensive.

Answers we seek...and miles to go before we sleep. *sigh.

Welcome to the world baby girl!

What about a little Fannie Flagg reference for the morning? It's a beautiful day in the Carolina's. The sun is out, the temperature is a comfortable cool. It's time to wake up, smell the sweet aroma of the outdoors and...what's that smell???  Yeah, that's Rachi. He apparently had gastrointestinal distress last night and that's what we woke up to.  7 freakin AM in the morning and the husky has crapped his kennel.  Fortunately in the garage.  Yes ladies and gentleman, my first blog post is about dog poop.

Well, not totally. Rachi did have gastro issues and is embarrassed by it. Sawyer, the black lab who is usually responsible for gastro offense, was not pleased with the smells radiating from his brother's kennel. The doxies, Tiki and Pachelbel were spared. They kennel in the laundry room at night. We are a family with four dogs. Drazil was happy for the morning disruption. She is a Mali Uromastyx lizard that likes to be up and about early and sleep in from late afternoon on.  Drazil was glad to get her salad earlier than our usual late morning weekend rise.  Yoshi, the bunny, doesn't care either way.  I sear, there are times she is completely nocturnal, tossing her bowl down the ramp and incessantly licking her water thingy. I'm rather certain that is the technical term for it.  My apologies for using jargon.

To complete the family introductions I am married to Mr. MckTchr. Between us there are five kids. Kid1, Kid2, Skid1, Skid2, and Skid3.  Ages 18, 15, 21, 16, and 12.

I've been blogging for years.  I think I started in 2003 and typed out my thoughts trying to stay sane while in grad school.  It sort of worked.  After a while it grew tedious. In 2009, or 10...sometime...I toyed with the idea of picking it back up.  Like so many toys we played with as children the interest came and went.  I'm in a new stage of life now and think it is time to pick up the toy again.  Maybe I will have much to say, maybe not.  I'm not going to commit to a post each day, but I'm going to start this journey and see where it goes.  Maybe I will have something to say...or nah. In the meantime...

Live life. Give joy. Be at peace.